Thankyou and apologies.
Please forgive grammar, diction, coherence and delete and forget should this come across as completely psychotic. I have no intention to harm myself, others and I have no minors in my care. I am seeing mental health professions although I am not going to be discussing this in detail other disclosing stimulant induced paranoid thoughts.
I’m trying to make make contact with someone involved in a current collaborative project across a range of different platforms. I am sorry to be so vague as I don’t know the size, scale or right individual to approach.
There is also a significant chance that what I asking about is a manifestation of my own paranoid delusion due to substance abuse.
Please delete my original topic if you manage to read all of it.
Without going into details or inflicting any further harm than what I have already caused I wanted to try and open up a dialogue with one of creative drivers involved in said campaign.
I was an abusive, lying partner to someone over many years. Drugs, domestic violence, infidiledity and basically toxic to be around.
I am unable to have direct contact with my ex due to being either intelligible, abusive or public slurs on social media, mass email.
I am currently getting help from professional services and I know the appropriate channel of communication is not here.
The dilemma that I have ia that I believe that there has been an effort on the behalf of this project to try and establish a dialogue - via Youtube videos, often hiliarious scientific spam adult websites, print media, anime, blogs, most social media platforms etc. I am just realising how completely insane I sound from trying attempting to explain the implausible Trueman Show fantasism to a stranger.
I will try and be more clear. I am seeing a Psychiatrist tomorrow. I cannot discuss such thoughts with them in greater detail than drug induced paranoia or I will be detained for 28 days under the mental health act. This wouldn’t be the worst outcome for me personally.
I believe that friends of my ex and herself have tryed to point out that amongst the dossier of transgressions I am aware of that there was something which I have done that I had forgotten about which may be causing an innocent party unecessary harm.
On the offchance this is the case I need to somehow communicate with them that I wish to do the honourable thing. I’m obviously not functioning well at present but even during periods of soberiety and having frequent social interaction I still was defensive, paranoid hostile disposition.
If “Zero Brian” - myself, teampz, Roblox, Minecraft Escape Rooms, Royalty Free Ambassadors, a host of games on this platform ,have one particular Me Too style social justicesque theme then it’s possible that you could convey a message on my behalf - if you are confoftable in doing so.
I am hostile and aggressive as a) It’s tempting to live in denial and portray myself as a victim and b) I thought it was a deliberate, elaborate and resource intensive collaboration to make me loose my mind, although in a person centered and humourous way that made me laugh out loud whilst at the simultaneously being choking on the the very public exposure of my years of hypocritical bullshitting.
This and the feeling of being watched. That’s main issue is this highly unlikely scenario has any material basis outside my own subzero consciousness.
I particularly wish to make clear that I have no intention or wish to portray my estranged/former partner as being in anyway responsible for being on the whole a terrible husband and if they wish me to somehow take some ownership or puplic/acknowledgement of then I will try my best. I really just want her to be happy but I acuse of being satan incarnate as she was the only person I have ever really felt I could be honest with and she would rescue me from this
type of car crash. That’s not possible now.
Is there perhaps a trusted neatral third party that could explain could something pressing that needs to be addressed within an impending timeframe? THIS IS WHY I AM WRITING ALL THIS
I know it is something in relation to something due to me that I need to act
However I need to first to become drug free and attempt to get myself well. I understand the need for a subtle approach but cracking if they expect me to crack the enigma code it’s possible I’ll ended up huffing a can of Lynx.