My English isn’t perfect because I didn’t originally speak English.
I don’t expect any answers or opinions on this. I didn’t mean to upset anyone; I just needed to vent. Why isn’t anything going my way? I wonder if it’s my fault. Everything and everyone around me seems wrong; nothing is going right. Maybe there was something I could have done instead of doing nothing at all.
On this site, I met a friend in December 2021. I thought most people here were younger than me or less mature, but he wasn’t. He seemed about my age. I felt he was different from everyone else, by how he talked and acted. I enjoyed reading and chatting at that time, and still do, BTW. Since I couldn’t read or speak Arabic, I kept translating it into English, which wasn’t really comfortable at all. I wanted to join the chat with the people there and talk about what I like. Then he was the one who helped me out. I liked anime, even though he didn’t really like it. He liked horror movies and also Akira; he said it was pretty awesome. We started talking from then on. He was the longest online friend I ever had and the best one. No matter how long we missed talking, it never seemed like we missed a second. I think of him often. I mean it when I say how great of a friend and person he was. Though, he seemed toxic near the end and eventually got banned from the site. We couldn’t talk on the forums, so we decided to chat on Discord. We talked a lot. We played chess together. We celebrated New Year’s. We made lots of memories together. He was the nicest person I’d ever met.
Then… this is the hardest part for me to say. There was very bad news. He got cancer. At first, this went on for weeks. Weeks turned into months. It looked like his cancer was spreading rapidly. The doctors said he had maybe a year left, but he told me he’d fight as long as he could. I didn’t know what to say when this happened.
He said:
“I can’t tell you how much you’ve meant to me over the years, and how thankful I am to have met such a wonderful person. I’m proud and honored to call you my friend, Aurora, and I love you very much. I wish you nothing but the best in life, and I know you’re going to do something amazing with yourself.
Look after yourself, my dear friend, and please don’t be sad and don’t worry.
Love, your friend”
I cried so hard after reading everything he told me. I didn’t think it would end up like this. Why did this happen? There had to be something I could have done. I didn’t want to lose him. I kept saying this to myself. After that, he was gone. No messages from him. I kept hoping he would come back and reply to my messages. But there was nothing. He was gone forever.
I really miss him…
Recently, I lost my entire drive on my computer, and it was full of old memories and important files. I can’t do anything about it. After trying everything, I knew it wouldn’t bring them back. It’s just a waste of time trying to recover them. They’re gone, just like him.
I don’t know what to say now. I feel done, but I know eventually, I will be fine. I don’t dwell on it.
